As a child I believed in God.
A beautiful God,
a clear belief.
I wanted to be good,
with Jesus as a lighthouse.
Then it would all be all right,
with me,
with the world around us.
My personal choice would have personal consequences.
But…
What choice did the children from Europe have,
if they did not fit the German ideal?
What choice did the Japanese children have
that lived in the wrong city?
What choice did I have
if the Cold War had become warm?
We live together,
we die en masse,
and the personal choice does not matter.
I can no longer believe in the right results of my personal choice.
Therefore I can no longer believe in the promise,
in the word,
in a personal God.
I have probably done it wrong,
misunderstood it all
and misinterpreted everything.
But I couldn't have done different.
Its not because I don't want to
but I am not able to,
other then to doubt every truth.
That is why I am going to try it with pu now.
To try and live with 'possibly' instead of 'certainty'.
And perhaps,
if one day I can do that,
then maybe I will encounter an undeniable truth,
which will give me no other option then to embrace it.
Until that day God:
Goodbye